I’ve read all the dating books, followed all the “Godly dating” Instagram accounts, skimmed all the Pinterest articles, but none of them had the answers I needed.
Maybe this is you. Maybe you’ve read dating books, asked friends, taken quizzes only to find that one contradicts the other, one’s too idealistic, and another is just downright weird.
Maybe you’re fed up with trying to date the “right way” and have decided to just wing it.
In a world with a crazy confusing dating culture, how do we know how—not to mention who—to date?
And how does God fit into all this? Does He even care? And if He does, how the heck do I know what He wants me to do?
I’m in this whole dating game with ya, sister, so I know what it’s like to try to figure it out on your own.
But it really isn’t as hard as everybody makes it out to be.
That’s why I’m here to make the “game of love” oh so clear for you.
I’m going to show you that there actually is a practical, simple, clear, straightforward way to navigate the dating world.
Do I have all the answers? Ha, I wish. But luckily for you and me, God does.
While your parents, friends, coworkers, dog, cat, and that random Walmart cashier might not be overly hyped to hear about your dating struggles, God is.
“He made you and He doesn’t want your life to be full of ridiculous drama. Our God is a God of clarity and that transfers to everything in your life.”
So here are five ways to BEGIN your love life with Christ-Centered Clarity.
5 Things to Consider before you date him:
1. Find your identity in Christ before dating someone.
Humans are unpredictable. Even the best of us fail and change and disappoint. Before you give your heart to someone, give it the King of Kings for safe keeping. He never fails us, never changes, and never disappoints.
“Before you give your heart to someone, give it the King of Kings for safe keeping”
“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” 1 John 3:1
2. Observe before you pursue.
Before you enter a dating relationship, it is important to observe his character from afar. Notice how he treats and interacts with others, especially those who can do nothing for him. While he may treat you wonderfully, the true test of his character and potential is how he loves those around him when he thinks no one is looking. It is normal to put our best face forward in a new relationship, so while he may not intentionally be deceiving you, the best way to discern his heart is by observing his interactions with others.
“Notice how he treats others, especially those who can do nothing for him.”
“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit…For every tree is known by its own fruit. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:43-45
3. Ask: “Are we on the same page spiritually?”
The Bible clearly tells us that we are not to be involved romantically with someone who doesn’t love Jesus the same way we do. They may say they’ll go to church with you, and they very well may mean that. But even so, their relationship with Christ is still not on the same level as yours. Yes, they may express an interest, but your job is not to convert them by dating them. Think of Solomon, Samson, and even the righteous David: prime examples of how dating/sleeping with/marrying someone who doesn’t follow God can lead even the strongest of believers astray.
If he doesn’t love Jesus and actively pursue Him, sister, that man isn’t for you.
“That their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ.”Colossians 2:2
4. Ask: “Are we headed in the same direction?”
While you don’t have to have the exact same interests and dreams, your life goals should be compatible. You may not discuss your deepest desires and dearest dreams on the first date, but you can discern if you’re headed in roughly the same direction. For example, if you’re wanting a committed relationship, but he’s a serial dater, your goals aren’t compatible.
Always keep the end in mind.
“Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”Philippians 3:13-14
5. Get to know each other BEFORE you date.
The best way to avoid a bad relationship is not to enter it in the first place. I advise you to get to know the guy you’re considering dating and develop a friendship with him BEFORE dating. That way you can answer the important questions such as spirituality and character (see #’s 1-4) before you’re involved romantically.
Dating is a beautiful process of discovering if he is the person you can grow with and learn with and chase Jesus with for the rest of your life. Girl, dating a person who passionately runs After Jesus with you is one of the most rewarding experiences.
Ultimately, the end goal of any romantic relationship is marriage. Start off on the right foot, with the right person, BEFORE you give your heart to them.
I heard a quote once that really stuck with me. It said:
“Pray first, then make your plans. Don’t make your plans and then pray for them to work.”
Christ made you and He made your boyfriend. He loves you and cares about every aspect of your life, especially your love life. Commit your way to the Lord and He will guide you in this great adventure of life.
“Commit your way to the Lord and He will guide you in this great adventure of life.”
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3
BONUS!! Dating Resources:
- “Boy Meets Girl” by Joshua Harris Amazon
- “Head Over Heels” by Dr. James Dobson Amazon
- “It’s Not That Complicated” by Anna Sofia & Elizabeth Botkin Amazon
- Passion and Purity” by Elisabeth Elliot Barnes & Noble
- “And the Bride Wore White: 7 Secrets to Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh Amazon
- “For Young Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn & Lisa A. Rice Amazon
- “Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married” by Gary Chapman Amazon
NOTE: To access these books for free, download the Hoopla app. Most will be available as ebooks or audiobooks via your local library. Get it HERE